Four years ago, I started living with my girlfriend after we had been together for ten years. We have a beautiful daughter whom I love with all my heart. Through the years our relationship deteriorated because of her immaturity. We live in her parents’ house. They overprotect her and don’t allow her to grow up…. At times I feel like she doesn’t love me anymore, and I don’t know if I should just leave her for good…. We have gotten separated many times, and I have always come back because of my daughter…. Now I don’t know if I should stay with her and put up with her, or if should leave her for good, get on with my life, find another woman in the future and establish a new home and get married.
Dear Friend,
You have put yourself in a very difficult situation, and the only option that you mention is one that would make everything worse!
You blame your girlfriends’ parents for overprotecting her and not allowing her to grow up. Is it possible that you, also, are to blame?
How is she supposed to grow up when she still lives at home with her Mommy and Daddy? They are paying for her place to live, and probably for her food as well. Nothing has changed from when she was a child. She probably even sleeps in the same bed that she did as a little girl.
We cannot understand why you would ever decide to move into your girlfriends’ parents’ house. It is their house. They make the rules. They are in charge. They have always taken care of your girlfriend and, as long as she lives there, she will be their little girl.
We believe that you should move out of your girlfriend’s parents’ home and find a place where you can prepare an independent home for your family. It should not be with your relatives, but it could be a rented room in someone else’s home. Spend your time preparing a place where your daughter can visit you, and where you can bring your wife in the future.
You may have to appeal to the social services or justice departments in your city to make sure that you are allowed to spend plenty of time with your daughter, away from the home where she now lives. Unless you have been abusive or neglectful, you have every right to a relationship with your daughter, even if you don’t end up marrying her mother in the future.
Please do not find another woman. You obviously cannot afford the woman you have, nor the daughter that you have. While you prepare a new home, spend time with your daughter and with your girlfriend outside of her parents’ home. Talk about an independent future. Give the mother of your child a chance to become a mature woman, but do not have intimate relations with her again until or unless she becomes your wife.
The Apostle Paul taught that God’s plan for marriage is for two people to leave their parents and become one new family by marrying one another.(1) Ask God to show you how to follow His perfect plan for your life.
We wish you the best,
Linda
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1 Eph 5:31