I am twenty-four years old and I have been married for four years. For the past year my husband has been unfaithful. These have been very difficult times, and I have become depressed. My husband has distanced himself from me. We still live together, but in separate rooms. I feel like he’s being unfaithful for the second time. I would like to leave him, but I don’t want to give up on my marriage.
We are glad to hear that you are committed to your marriage and the vows that you made on your wedding day. However, it is understandable that your husband has distanced himself, as you are probably the one who insisted that he move out of your bedroom. He may be trying to silently punish you for that. He also would probably like for you to act as if nothing has happened. But something has happened, and we believe that your health could be at risk if you were to continue an intimate relationship with him. Unless he has been tested by a doctor, you have no way of knowing what disease he might be carrying as a result of his infidelity. You are wise to sleep in separate rooms, at least until he has been tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
It is not clear whether or not your husband is currently involved in an adulterous relationship or if he may have ended the affair so that your marriage could be saved. If he does want to save the marriage, then we believe that you should see a professional counselor who can help you work through the issues. It is important that you make sure that your husband truly regrets his infidelity and that he is firmly committed to the marriage going forward.
However, if your husband is not willing to be faithful, then you should get out of the marriage before you get pregnant. Babies do not save marriages; instead, they become the innocent victims of their parents’ mistakes.
If your husband says that he wants to save the marriage, but continues to be unfaithful, then he is a liar as well as an adulterer. If he says he wants to stay with you, but is not willing to submit to a medical test for diseases, then he is willing to thoughtlessly risk his own health and yours as well. And if he doesn’t want to see a counselor, but wants you to just forgive him and trust him again, then he doesn’t understand how strong and wise you are.
The depression that you are experiencing is understandable. But you don’t have to stay depressed. We believe that you should ask God to give you His perfect peace and wisdom for your future. His Son Jesus Christ said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you…. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”1
We wish you the best,
1 Jn 14:27