I am thirty-nine years old. I love my boyfriend a lot, but he treats me very badly. He calls me the worst names that you can imagine. He shakes me violently… and never apologizes. I love him so much that I make up with him instead. I’ve tried to break up with him, but I can’t.
He injures my arms, and has even wished that I were dead. This has been going on for many years. I feel that I’m not worth anything. Please help me! Just tell me what to do, and I will do it.
Dear Friend,
Do you really mean that you will do whatever we advise? We hope so, because your life is in danger. You must act quickly and without equivocation.
There are two serious dangers to your life. The first is the one whom you call your boyfriend, even though he treats you worse than an enemy. The second danger is your own emotional condition that has the potential to cause you to lose hope and become self-destructive.
You are afraid that this guy is your last chance of having a family. You continue to hope that he will change and that you will have the family that you have always dreamed about.
We are sorry to tell you that your dream is completely unrealistic. A man who treats his girlfriend in the way you have been treated is likely the man who will beat up his wife repeatedly. And sometimes those repeated beatings eventually end in death.
Your rational side is obviously telling you that you must end this dangerous relationship, and that is why you are asking for our advice. However, you say that you cannot break up with him, which really only means that you are choosing to prioritize your unrealistic dream over what you know is the truth.
Here is our advice that you say you will follow: Tell a friend, relative, co-worker or medical professional that you are going to get out of the relationship with your boyfriend. Then ask that person to assist you emotionally in carrying out your plan.
Do not secretly hope that your boyfriend will love you so much that he will beg you to stay. That would only make it more difficult because you need to get away from him no matter what he says. Even if he asks you to marry him, do not do it! Get away from him completely. Move, change jobs, or do whatever else is necessary to never see him. Do not take his calls or agree to meet with him even one more time. Every time you think of him, imagine him as a cancer that is consuming you.
You need God’s help and strength. Pray and ask Him to make you strong and to give you His wisdom. God loves you and values you. He will never treat you as your boyfriend has.
Do it today!
Linda