I got married six years ago to the mother of my two children, after having been in a relationship with her for eight years…. Not long after the wedding, I lost almost everything that I owned and we had to move in with my father-in-law…. I noticed a significant change in her, and she finally confessed to me the reason for the change. She had been in a romantic relationship with her older brother, and it had continued even after our marriage. She said that she married me to escape from that relationship that tormented her. She confessed that she didn’t love me, and because of that we broke up. I miss my children and I miss her. I love all three of them.
Dear Friend,
We are so very sorry to hear about what your family is going through! Because you could not give us all the details, we are going to assume that your wife’s older brother took advantage of her in a physical way when she was too young to understand why it was wrong and she was not capable of knowing what to do about it. As time passed, her brain connected the physical act with romantic love, effectively making her a willing participant in the relationship. Now she may not even remember how it all started, but she is tormented because of the guilt she bears for continuing the relationship.
We congratulate you for loving her still in spite of the way that she deceived you. The truth is that your two children need both of their parents, and they will be much better off because you still love their mother. If she will agree, we believe that you should stay with your wife, in spite of the fact that she doesn’t think that she loves you.
Your wife’s brain has gotten some of its connections scrambled, and she’s probably not able to unscramble those connections by herself. She knows that there is no future for her with her brother, but her feelings for him will not go away. She urgently needs to consult a professional psychologist or therapist to help her sort out her feelings.
If your wife will not agree to get back together with you, or if she refuses to see a counselor, we recommend that you take advantage of the legal resources in your country to make sure that you can have regular visitation or partial custody of your children. Do not let their mother’s issue rob them of the relationship with you!
God, our Heavenly Father, knows and understands your situation. He wants to walk beside you and give you the wisdom and strength that you need for the future. Call out to Him today in prayer, asking Him to help you line up your life and actions with His perfect will. He will never abandon you.
We wish you the best,
Linda