I got married when I was nineteen without knowing that I had a hereditary disease called hemophilia…. But everything was fine until I had to have surgery on my knees. Since then my marriage has been an odyssey. I suffered depression for the first time, and even tried to commit suicide by swallowing poison.

Now my body is deteriorating because of the disease. My marriage has been affected by the constant disagreements and arguments…. I don’t like to come home at all simply because I don’t want to argue. And I have insomnia. I’m desperate, and don’t know what to do. I would like to have your advice.

Dear Friend,

We are very sorry to hear about your disease and all the complications that you are facing. Anyone would be confused and discouraged if they were in your position. In fact, one scientific study has shown that 92 percent of people with your disease have also suffered from clinical depression.(1)

Clinical depression is different from just feeling down because of your circumstances. Clinical depression is connected to brain chemicals that are not balanced. It is not known whether the disease changes the chemicals or whether the complications of the disease cause the changes in the brain. However, it doesn’t really matter what caused your chemical imbalance. What matters is that you obtain or continue taking the medication that can regulate your brain chemicals. Make sure that your doctor knows about your depression, and be sure to follow all the doctor’s advice.

Attempting suicide is a desperate cry for help. If you continue to think about suicide, it is important to tell your doctor about it.

We cannot possibly know what causes all the arguments in your home. Your wife may be completely unsympathetic to your situation, or she may be reacting to the fear of what will happen next. You, on the other hand, may be a compassionate and understanding husband, or you may unconsciously take out all your frustrations on your wife. Therefore, you may not be meeting her expectations, and she may not be meeting your expectations. But whatever the case, there is no way that we can help you to resolve all of that in just a word of advice.

You need professional counseling, and your doctor may know about support groups for people with your disease. That would be a very good place for you to begin getting the help that you need.

In addition to your doctor, we suggest that you tell God all that you are feeling and experiencing. You can talk to God out loud, in writing, or silently in your heart. He cares about you and is ready to help you if you will ask Him to forgive your sins and take control of your life. He can give you the wisdom and strength you need to work on your marriage problems. And He can give you peace in your heart and hope for the future. Don’t wait any longer: reach out to God today.

We wish you the best,

1 Alice Melão, “High Rates of Undiagnosed Depression and Anxiety Found in Adults with Hemophilia, US Survey Says,” Hemophilia News Today, 23 September 2019 <https://hemophilianewstoday.com/2019/09/23/ depression-anxiety-are-frequent-among-adults-with-hemophilia> Online 4 October 2019.