Two years ago, I married after four long years of courtship. At the time she was my friend, but now I feel that I don’t even know her. She left me for no reason at all and says that she wants a divorce. This is not the first time that this has happened. She also left me before we were married, but then came back after a while.

I am sad and I don’t know what to think or believe, and I fear that she might be unfaithful. We were always believers in God, but it seems like she has also left God behind.

Dear Friend,

You are right to treasure your marriage and to be concerned about your wife and your relationship with her. However, when you say that she left for no reason, we know that you are mistaken. There is a reason, even if you don’t know what it is. It might be an inadequate reason or a reason based on faulty beliefs, but it is still a valid reason in your wife’s mind.

Perhaps your wife did not communicate her reason to you. Although that is possible, it is highly unlikely. Studies have found that women tend to speak far more than men, unless, of course, they are afraid or intimidated. Have you harmed your wife physically or emotionally in the past? If you have, she may be leaving you to protect herself. She may not have explained that to you because she doesn’t want to risk being hurt even more by your words or actions.

On the other hand, if you have not hurt your wife and she is not afraid of you, the next possibility is that she thinks you don’t care about what she is feeling or that you are not really listening to her when she talks. She may have said this to you at some time, but perhaps your reaction was to become defensive and to deny her accusations. And you may not recognize this as a reason because you consider it to be untrue (or because you weren’t listening when she said it).

The two of you need help communicating with each other. We strongly encourage you to find a professional who can discover your wife’s reasons and also why you didn’t hear or know those reasons. Your medical doctor can refer you to someone who can help.

However, even more importantly, we are concerned about your statement that your wife has left God behind. It sounds like you may have done the same. Do you know that God cares about your marriage and that He wants to give you wisdom and guidance? Please renew your relationship with Him today, expressing to Him in your own words that you want to be close again. Ask Him to forgive you for shutting Him out of your life, and to help you find a way to restore your marriage. Read the Bible, pray in your own words, and attend a church where the people are sincerely following God and His ways.

We wish you the best,