My wife was four months pregnant when a friend called to say that my wife wasn’t well. He took her to the hospital and she lost the baby…. Later I found out that she was in love with the same guy that helped her by taking her to the hospital. I accused her, saying that the baby wasn’t mine, and she got offended….

She lies to me. Every time that we separate I find out things that she’s done with other men, and I know that she’s cheating on me. This has made me sick with jealousy.

I didn’t used to be like this, but now I don’t believe in her…. When I found out about the relationship between my wife and my so-called friend, I was going to kill them with my rifle…. But I love her and feel that I can’t live without her, and it makes me sad to think of leaving my eight-year-old daughter that I had with her in the care of a stepfather. I don’t know what to do.

Dear Friend,

Your situation can be seen from two different viewpoints, and we can’t know which one is true. It definitely looks suspicious that another man took your wife to the hospital when she lost the baby, but you don’t say how you found out about their romantic relationship. Did she tell you that she was in love with him, or did you draw your own conclusion based on the evidence?

You say that she lies to you and cheats on you. But you don’t tell us how you know that these things are true. Do you have proof, or are your suspicions born of the intense jealousy that you feel?

Just as your wife’s actions seem suspicious, your threat of killing two people with a rifle is also suspicious. It makes us wonder if jealousy and rage have taken control of you. If that is true, then you are no longer able to judge correctly what is actually going on.

However, in order to respond to your situation, we are going to assume that you have proof that your wife has been unfaithful and that she lies to you. Although we believe that infidelity is a justifiable reason to separate from your wife, you say that you don’t think you can live without her and that you are worried for the future of your daughter, so breaking up with her does not appear to be the best option for you.

There is someone who understands your situation completely. That Someone is God, who knows even the secret thoughts of both you and your wife. He wants to guide you, but He can’t do that until you are willing to place your life and your future in His hands. That means giving up your rage and your thoughts of vengeance. And it means being willing to forgive your wife for all that she has done.

Of course, your wife doesn’t deserve your forgiveness or God’s forgiveness. She has broken your marriage vows and God’s law. But all of us, without exception, have broken His law, and none of us deserve to be forgiven. Jesus Christ, God’s Son, died for us even though we don’t deserve it. And He forgives us, even though we definitely deserve to be punished.

Can you follow God’s example and forgive your wife? If you can, and if she wants to, save the marriage, then we strongly suggest that you get professional counseling to work out the issues between you.

We wish you the best,