Ten years ago, I asked my husband for a divorce because he emotionally abused me and made fun of me in front of other people…. After we were separated he said very cruel things about me, such as that I had been unfaithful to him.
He remarried, but he has separated from that woman close to six times. I have asked him to come back home. You see, we have three adult children, and it hurt them badly for us to get divorced. The last time he separated I asked him again to come back home, and he said he would think about it. However, he went back instead to his second wife. Should I ask him to come back to us, or should I just leave him alone?
Has your ex-husband changed since the time that you divorced him? Has he become more understanding and kind? Has he let you know that he regrets the way that he treated you before? Has he apologized for saying that you were unfaithful?
There must be some reason that you think your marriage should get a second chance, but you don’t mention it, so we have no idea why. You say that your children were hurt badly by the divorce; but they are adults now, so that should not be a factor.
If you had consulted us before you were divorced, we would have advised you to try and get professional help to save your marriage. But now that your ex-husband has married again, it is completely different. We definitely do not think that you should ask him to come back to you.
You may not realize it, but your ex-husband likely accused you of being unfaithful so that his remarriage would be accepted by the church. Jesus Christ taught that anyone who divorces and remarries commits adultery, unless the other spouse has been unfaithful.1 So if you were unfaithful as your ex-husband said you were, then it wouldn’t be considered adultery for him to get married again.
Now that your ex-husband has remarried, it is he who has been unfaithful to you. Although many churches believe that makes you free to remarry as well, we advise you to follow your own conscience. Study the Scriptures and ask God to give you wisdom.
Different churches interpret the Scriptures differently. This is partially because all of the Scriptures were originally written in Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic, and all have been translated into the languages that we speak today. Some words have more than one meaning, and language itself changes over time, so not all scholars agree on every detail of the translations. Furthermore, their personal beliefs shape their understanding of the text of the Bible, and that is one reason that there are so many different types of Christian churches.
We believe that God can speak to you personally when you ask Him to in prayer. He can help you move forward instead of trying to dig up the past.
We wish you the best,
1 Mt 5:32; 19:9