I am a twenty-nine-year-old medical doctor…. I met a guy who quickly started a romantic relationship with me. A week later I found out that he was still in contact with his ex-girlfriend, so I decided to end it.
After four months of separation… he asked for another chance, saying that he wasn’t ready before, but that now everything would be different.
So we decided to give it a try. However, I still have my doubts…. His attitude varies: sometimes he is affectionate, and other times he won’t even answer my calls…. I live in constant fear that the same thing will happen again.
I know from past experience how it feels to live in constant fear. I am so sorry you are currently experiencing that kind of life! You have reason to be concerned.
Fear is a state of mind that signals to the body that it should be ready for fight or flight. Your fear causes the hormone adrenaline to be produced in your body so that you can be prepared to run from danger or to stay and fight it. As you already know, this continuous flow of adrenaline causes stress to your body, and that is bad for your health.
A man who causes you to feel fear and stress is not the man for you. Your fear is a red flag warning you that he could be dangerous for your future.
Unfortunately, many women ignore the danger signs. They justify the guy’s behavior by saying that he is a hard worker and very ambitious. Or they say that he has a lot of stress and that they don’t want to put any more stress on him. These women convince themselves that the guy is great and that the danger signs are coming from their own imaginations.
However, you know better than those women and that is why you decided to ask for our advice. Being a medical doctor, you have learned to see warning signs and to follow up on what you see. Now, because this is a personal matter and not a professional one, you are asking if you should ignore the danger signs. We believe that God gave you these warning signs to keep you from danger.
In the Garden of Eden, the first man, Adam, was alone. God decided to give him a wife so that he wouldn’t be so lonely. He created Eve using one of Adam’s ribs, and designed the relationship between them to be so trusting and intimate that the two would be as if they were one body.1
That relationship serves as the model for each one of us. A woman should expect to be treasured and protected. She should never have to doubt her guy’s devotion or his faithfulness to her. No relationship is perfect because none of us are perfect, but when you have doubts and fears about a boyfriend, take advantage of the adrenaline rush to run as far away from him as possible.
We wish you the best,
1 Gn 2:24; Mt 19:5; Mk 10:8