I am in a relationship with a fifty-four-year-old man. Several months have passed, and he is trying to convince me that it is normal to have sexual relations. I have told him that I think they are important, but only in a stable marriage relationship. He doesn’t want to get married because he says times are bad and he doesn’t want to face potentially bad repercussions. He says that if I won’t have sex with him, he will find another woman who will. I told him that he should go ahead and do that. I don’t know if I should continue my relationship with him, or simply tell him that I can’t see him anymore.
We are impressed by your wisdom and your determination to live by your convictions! We congratulate you for your strength of character. No matter what happens, you will never have to be ashamed of the decision you made.
It is sad for you that this man put conditions on your relationship. He made it clear that if you don’t give in to what he wants, then you’re not the woman he wants to be with. And you let him know that if he doesn’t care about your feelings or your convictions, then he doesn’t love you. And if he doesn’t love you, why would you want to have sex with him?
We have heard from many women who let fear overrule their convictions. They fear being alone or losing their boyfriends, so they act in fear rather than acting based on their consciences. We recommend that you read Case 191 to find out what happened to a woman who was in a similar situation to yours, but who let the fear control her.
Many women think that being alone is the worst thing that can happen to them. They will overlook dishonesty, alcohol or drug abuse, and even cruelty if a man is willing to “be” with them. But before long they find out that it was not worth it. Sadly, they often end up in situations where it is very difficult for them to get away or go back to being alone.
You say you don’t know if you should continue your relationship with this man. We believe that in your heart you do know, but you are hoping that we will give you a different answer. Unfortunately, there really is no wise way to do this. As long as you agree to see him, he will continue to pressure you to have sex. He will see your continued relationship as an invitation for more.
By refusing to have sexual relations before marriage, you are choosing to follow God’s way instead of man’s way. Just like your boyfriend said, many people now think it is “normal” to have an intimate relationship apart from marriage. Those are the same people who write to us each week, full of regrets and plagued with unforeseen consequences such as pregnancies, diseases, abuse, and abandonment. By making your wise decision, you will not have to face any of those difficult circumstances.
We wish you the best,