I am a twenty-two-year-old man…. I have chosen to save myself for my future wife. I’ve never having had physical relations with any woman, but as life would have it my girlfriend did have a physical relationship with another guy, and that has frustrated me a lot…. She is still in contact with him, and I’m really afraid that after a time he will show up and she will fall for him….
She assures me that she loves me, and we have plans for the future…. but I am very fearful that things will turn out badly…. Sometimes I think that they still love each other. I need your help.
You have accomplished what very few men have accomplished. You have based your life on principles and convictions. And you have refused to live by the moral standards of the media and of popular culture. You are a man of honor and integrity, and we congratulate you for choosing to follow God’s perfect plan for sexual relationships.
Many can’t understand how you have been able to delay this experience. Some think that it is unnatural to deny yourself, and others think that you are missing out on what life has to offer. Those people can’t understand why you consider sexual relations to be a valuable treasure rather than a cheap thrill.
Of course, there will be consequences as a result of your decision. You will never procreate a child outside of the loving relationship of marriage, and you will never have to consider marrying someone whom you do not love, just because she has told you that she is pregnant. You will never contract a sexually transmitted disease, and you will never have to face an angry family who thinks that you have dishonored their daughter.
We are sorry that your girlfriend was not as morally strong as you have been, but it is to her credit that she was honest with you about it. We certainly can’t know if she is the right one for you, but if she has asked God to forgive her, then He expects you to forgive her as well.
You don’t mention if the other guy is your girlfriend’s neighbor, co-worker, fellow student, or if she has any other justifiable reason to see him occasionally. If, on the other hand, she is choosing to communicate with him just because he is her “friend,” then that is something else entirely. You certainly have every right to request that she cut off any non-necessary communication with him, and if she refuses to do so, then you know what you have to do.
If she just sees him casually in the course of daily life, and it is not purposeful in any way, then we advise you to give yourself some time to get over it. If you cannot, and you continue to feel anxious about him, then you should not continue in the relationship.
We wish you well,