Case 245 is the story of a man who married a woman he didn’t love, and even after two years he felt the same or worse. The counsel to him was good and I liked it.
I am living something very similar. I’m thinking about marrying a woman who I don’t love very much, even though she would give her life for me if it came to that. I wonder if I could apply the same counsel to my situation, or if it would be better to end the relationship outright….
[It’s just that, after progressing from friendship to courtship, we started having intimate relations], causing my doubts and indecision to grow even more. But the bonds between us have also grown…. I am afraid to end the relationship, thinking that I won’t find the right woman for me.
Dear Friend,
We are glad that you read Case 245 {for broadcast version only: at conciencia.net}. So far there are more than a dozen cases of men who regret having gotten married because they weren’t in love with their brides. All of them are miserable and would like to find a way out.
However, there is a very big difference between you and those men. You have not married your girlfriend, so she has not become your bride. Since you have not made vows to love her and stay with her for your entire life, you have time to stop the relationship before it goes any further.
Of course, your girlfriend will be emotionally devastated. The brain chemicals that were released in your sexual relationship with her, along with all the things that you have gone through together, clearly make her feel united with you. But if you marry her without loving her, you will tie her down to you when there may be a man out there who would love and treasure her forever. And marrying her would likely get you into the group of miserable husbands who regret having gotten married.
It is far better for you to break her heart now than to break her heart over and over again for the rest of her life. She can’t possibly understand this now, but you will be doing the right thing to leave her.
You say that you are afraid of not finding another woman. Does that mean that you would marry the girl that you don’t love because you think she is the best that you can do? You make it sound like buying an apple. You’ll take the apple with only one small bruise because it is the best that you can have right now.
God loves you and has a plan for your life. You can choose to trust Him and do what is right, or you can choose to doubt God and do things your own way. It’s up to you. God’s way is usually not the easiest, but it is always the best.
We wish you well,
Linda