I have three wonderful children and a beautiful family, but I aborted three babies and I am sorry about that every day…. I was selfish and stubborn, and I prioritized my professional goals without noticing that I lost my heart in the process. Because of the shame I felt I did not come back to God, who had been the most important to me. Each time I fell deeper and deeper.

When I had my fourth child, I decided to change my life… but my baby died from birth defects…. I am sure that God forgave me, so why didn’t He heal my baby? Was God punishing me? Did my baby pay for my sins?

Dear Friend,

We are so sorry to hear that your baby died! You ask some very good questions, and we know that the answers are very important to you as you grieve the loss of your child.

One of our sons and his wife were going to have a baby this year, but the child died in the womb while still very tiny. Our daughter-in-law kept thinking that she had done something wrong to cause the miscarriage. Did she move around too much? Did she walk too far? Was she not careful enough? All these questions and fears were spinning in her head, along with the grief of losing the baby. But when the tests came back, it was revealed that the child had a condition that was no one’s fault. It wasn’t something that came from the father or the mother, nor did the mother do anything to cause it.

Was God then punishing our daughter-in-law for something she had done? Is He a vengeful God ready to crush anyone who makes Him angry? Those who believe that He is like that do not understand the nature of God. While it is true that we all deserve to be punished for our sins, God made a way for us to be forgiven instead of punishing us. God gave up His only Son to take our punishment. That’s why Jesus Christ had to die on a cross.

You also ask why God didn’t heal your baby. Let’s imagine that we could say some special words and ask God to heal every baby, every child, every adult, and every elderly person, and that He would be compelled to heal every one of them because we used the special words. Reporters would then broadcast the special words on television, and people would share them on the Internet.

Furthermore, the special words would have power over God. And those who knew them could tell God what to do. Obviously, God, being all powerful, could not subject Himself to being manipulated like a puppet. But because He loves us so much and wants the best for us, instead of letting us tell Him what to do, He lets us decide whether we will trust Him as the One who is in control.

We wish you well,