Nine months ago I met a woman online…. We had virtual sex. She confessed to a spiritual leader, and then blocked me. I am devastated for the harm that I caused her and her parents.
I want to go to her country and ask for forgiveness. I have already asked God to forgive me…. I know how serious my error was, and I cry a lot because of the damage I did. I love her, and I’m willing to marry her. Should I go and find her?
Dear Friend,
Online romantic relationships sometimes turn into actual relationships. Two of our sons met their wives online before meeting them in person. Both had friends who knew each other, but they had never met in person. The Internet can facilitate meeting people and making new friends.
However, the Internet can also be a very dangerous place. Predators search for gullible people and try to perpetrate financial crimes, extremist recruiting, and human trafficking. No one believes that they can become a victim, and everyone believes that they know how to be safe in a virtual world. Unfortunately, they are often mistaken.
We are extremely concerned that you are willing to marry a woman whom you have never met. You are convinced that she is real and that you have harmed her, and you may be right. But what if she has done the same thing with other guys? Would you still want to marry her? What if she is already married and had to block you because her husband found out about you? What if she is trying to make you feel guilty so that she can get you to send her gifts or money?
Let’s assume, however, that you are right, that she is who she says, and that she blocked you to keep from having virtual sex again. What should you do?
We are pleased to hear that you already asked God to forgive you, for that is the first thing that we would advise you to do. Did you also ask Him to show you how to keep from doing this again? You see, forgiveness is only possible when we truly repent of our sins. Repenting means to stop, to turn around, and to go in the opposite direction.
This woman made it easy for you to stop when she blocked you. But instead of turning and going the other way, you now want to pursue her. You have convinced yourself that apologizing in person would somehow heal the harm that has been caused.
You ask for our advice, but you won’t like it: Stop dreaming of a future with that woman. Delete her information, and never try to contact her again.
For your own safety, we recommend that you never again consider relationships with women who live far away. It is fine to meet online, but until you meet and communicate in person, you can’t really get to know one another. We also recommend that you meet new friends in groups and in public places. Never meet someone new by yourself or in an isolated place.
We wish you well,
Linda