Four months ago I met a twenty-seven-year-old woman, and I like her a lot. She has suffered a great deal. Her father was murdered, and she had a couple of relationships that broke her heart even more. She says that she is full of bitterness and anger, that her heart has been hardened. She says that she loves me, but can’t show it because her heart won’t let her. It hurts me to see her in that condition, and I ask God every day to help her.
The only way that we communicate is through texting. She no longer allows me to see her. I love her. It hurts me to see her suffer, and I don’t know what to do!
Dear Friend,
Having compassion for others and showing empathy toward them is an admirable quality. Compassion and empathy are always positive traits.
However, though it is good to have compassion, it is dangerous to believe that you are the one who can rescue this woman from her current situation and cause her to stop suffering. It is true that a caring and friendly relationship with you will help her understand that not all men are like the ones who hurt her before. And it is also true that you can possibly help her by being a safe person with whom she can talk about her feelings. But for you to consider a romantic relationship with her is not advisable. She is not ready, and may not be ready for a number of years.
You have known this woman for only four months, and you are now communicating with her only by texting, without the possibility of seeing her or talking to her in person. Therefore, to say that you love her most likely means that you want to rescue her and stop her from hurting. However, it does not mean that you know her well enough to have discovered her character qualities, her values, her priorities, nor her beliefs.
I understand why you desperately want to help this woman. I have felt that way many times when confronted with people who are hurting. And like people everywhere who have a good heart, I would love to be able to stop all the suffering in the world. God feels that way too, and He could do it. But since He is wise and good, He knows that it is often best for us to face the natural consequences of our past actions. If He were to erase natural consequences, we would continue to make the same mistakes over and over, hurting many other people in the process.
This woman did not do anything to cause her father’s tragic death, so it was obviously not a natural consequence for her to lose him. But she may have inadvertently made decisions which caused the other problems that she is facing, and you need to let her work them out herself with no pressure from you.
We wish you well,
Linda