I am the friend of a young woman who is twenty-seven years old. She has two daughters. We agreed to be housemates, living together only as friends, but I soon regretted that decision because we are not a couple. It troubles me to see her hang out with her male friends because I like her a lot, but she already rejected my advances on account of me being much older than she is.
Dear Friend,
We can see why you regret the decision to live as a housemate with a much younger woman. There are at least three reasons why we would never advise anyone to consent to such a living arrangement.
The first reason is that, even though you want to believe that the age difference is of little consequence, the truth is that it makes a very big difference. In fact, if you arranged for a much younger man to be your housemate, even a brother, nephew or cousin, you would probably still find it difficult to live with him. Age matters in living arrangements, whether you want to think so or not.
This is one of the reasons why it is sometimes difficult to live in a multi-generational home. Parents and adult children repeatedly disagree regarding schedules, house rules, the volume of music, and the discipline of children. Different generations see things differently.
The second reason is that you obviously had hopes that the woman would eventually fall in love with you and the two of you could become a couple. That was very unrealistic on your part, and it added a secret agenda to the arrangement. Now, without the hope of a romantic relationship, you don’t want to continue to deal with the woman and her children.
The third reason is that your female friend may have consented to the arrangement because you took on the majority or all of the financial commitment. She may have even given you hope of a future romance so that you would pay her bills and support her. Fortunately for you, she did not pretend to love you just so that you would take care of her financially. Unlike some other women, she decided to be honest with you.
You say that she rejected you because of your age. That is an interesting way to look at it, but we see it differently. To us, she discerned that you are not compatible with her, and that is a quality that God wants us to develop.
We wish that women and men everywhere were more discerning when considering romantic partners. They would have a much better chance of happiness if they practiced discernment of character qualities, addictive personalities, and financial integrity. Those who don’t discern by taking those factors into consideration usually base their choice on physical attraction and emotions, seeking fireworks instead of electricity.
On the other hand, those of us who have chosen to follow Jesus Christ and to live according to His teachings have an extra portion of discernment. When we pray, we can ask God not only for His wisdom but also for His help with the decisions we make that affect our relationships with others.
We wish you well,
Linda