Three years ago my only child was born…. Everything was great until my daughter’s mother decided to live in another country, claiming that nothing would change in terms of my relationship with my daughter.
After a few months the problems began. She was always too busy to allow me to communicate with my daughter…. But she would say that it didn’t really matter because she was sending me photos and videos. Even so, I have never neglected to provide the child support money. Now my daughter is three years old, and the loss I feel is overwhelming, for I have come to realize that sometimes my daughter’s mother blackmails me.
Dear Friend,
We are so sorry for your loss! We can’t even imagine the pain you must feel with your daughter so far out of your reach, and you being helpless to do anything about it.
If your daughter had been born to you as a married person, you would have the legal right to be a part of her life. Depending on the laws of your country, you could have also legally prevented your daughter’s mother from taking her away.
However, since you are not married to her, do you know if she put your name on your daughter’s birth certificate as the biological father? If she did put your name, then you should have some rights. An attorney could advise you how to proceed.
On the other hand, if your name is not on the birth certificate, you could ask the court to require a DNA test to prove that you are your daughter’s father. But since your daughter is no longer in your country, that might be difficult.
We respect the fact that you are being faithful with your child support in spite of not being able to see your daughter. You need to find a way to keep proof that you are paying so that someday, when your daughter is an adult, you can show her that you always provided for her.
We also suggest that you send your daughter a letter each week. Until she can read, the letters can be pictures that you draw and photos of yourself. Make up ten or twenty envelopes in advance. Then you will be ready to enclose a little something each week. Take a photo of what you are sending and save each one. Some day the photos will prove that you were trying to communicate with her in the only way that you could.
Having to wait fifteen years seems like an eternity, but they will pass sooner than you think. When the time comes, your daughter will be an adult and you will be able to show her the proof of all that you did. You will be able to renew your relationship with her then, and it can last for decades.
Come what may, ask God for His help. He can give you patience and peace. Ask Him to give you wisdom in the dealings with your daughter’s mother. And don’t lose hope, but rather make plans for the future.
We wish you well,
Linda