About a year ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. Two months later he told me he wanted us to get back together. But during that time, he met another girl and got her pregnant. He asked for my forgiveness and to give him another chance, and I did.

Two months ago the baby was born. My boyfriend is being responsible financially and visits his child twice a week. But I’m not comfortable with the situation. I love him, but I don’t like it that he visits the baby, because I get jealous. He says he is only interested in the baby, and he doesn’t love the baby’s mother….

What can I do? He wants to marry me, but I am very jealous knowing that he has that child…

Dear Friend,

We are sorry to tell you that you are in an impossible situation. In spite of the fact that you didn’t do anything wrong, you are now going to have to suffer the consequences of your boyfriend’s unwise, unhealthy, and immoral actions. You only have two options; which will you choose?

The first option is to decide to suffer the emotional pain now, but eventually recover and go on to have a happy life. The second option is to decide to prolong the emotional pain for the rest of your life. Which sounds better to you: the immediate pain that will eventually end, or the continuous pain that will never end? Only you can decide.

With the first option, you must break up with your boyfriend immediately and end your relationship completely. He may beg and plead for you to reconsider. He may make all kinds of promises. And you may suffer days of crying and depression without him. But none of that matters. When he chose to have intimate relations with the other woman, resulting in a child, he made a decision that cannot be overturned or taken back. That innocent child doesn’t deserve second‑class treatment any more than you do. Your boyfriend’s first responsibility is now to the baby, and certainly not to you.

On the other hand, you may choose to give him more chances, accept his promises, and marry him. In doing so, we promise you that there will be no end to your emotional suffering over this issue. In this case, we beg of you to remember that this poor little child did nothing wrong and needs a father in his life on a regular basis. And we want to remind you that your boyfriend’s existing child, born of another woman, needs to be loved by him equally as much as any future children that the two of you might have. If you choose to marry this man, you should plan to love his child as well, and welcome the child into your home as often as possible, on an equal basis with your own biological children. Moreover, in order to make everyone’s life easier, you should treat the child’s mother on a friendly basis; so you need to get over your jealousy.

God wanted to spare all of us from this kind of emotional pain, so He gave us a rule to follow. His rule is for everyone to have intimate relationships only with their spouses.(1) If all of us would follow God’s rule, we could avoid many diseases, most children would have the two parents that they need, and millions of women like you would not be alone and crying into their pillows each night.

We wish you well,

Linda and Charles
1 Ex 20:14; Heb 13:4; 1Co 7:2