I have a grandson that I raised like a son because his parents abandoned him…. I love him with all my heart…. He has always told me that he would still be a virgin when he got married…. But two weeks ago I found a negative pregnancy test in his bedroom…. I confronted him, and he categorically denied it until he finally confessed it.

I told him that the saddest thing was that he disobeyed God, and that I couldn’t trust him anymore…. So I told him he could no longer drive the car other than to his university and to his work. He says that he regrets what he did… but I don’t trust him.

Dear Friend,

We appreciate and respect the fact that you are a follower of Christ and that you have brought your grandson up knowing about the Scriptures and the instructions from God that we find in them. That is why your grandson already knows that God designed the sexual relationship to take place within the marriage of one man and one woman.

However, most people believe that God restricted the practice of sex because He is a cosmic killjoy who doesn’t want adults to have fun. Furthermore, they believe that society has evolved and that the commands in Scripture are no longer relevant today. Movies, TV shows, music, and social media all spread the lie that sex is an activity to be enjoyed between any two consenting adults.

What those people fail to understand is that God not only created sex, but He also created our brains. There is ongoing medical research that is working to identify the complicated series of brain processes that occur during sexual activity, as well as the brain chemicals that are involved. The chemical oxytocin has been called the “Cuddle Hormone” by researchers at the Texas Medical Center because it “increases positive, feel-good sensations of trust, emotional bonding and social connection.”(1)

Trust and emotional bonding are crucial to the marital relationship, but that is confusing when non-married people experience it. In fact, it frequently causes people who barely know one another to think that they are in love. You don’t want your grandson to have that happen to him.

Your grandson, as a university student, is an adult. However, if you are financially supporting him by providing his housing and transportation, then it is your right to manage those resources no matter what his age is.

Nevertheless, as an adult, your grandson will choose when and with whom he will have a sexual relationship. You can try to prevent unfortunate consequences by restricting the use of the car, but ultimately, he will get around your restrictions if he is determined to do so.

That is why we recommend that you speak for yourself, but don’t speak for God. Let God speak for Himself in your adult grandson’s conscience. Otherwise, when you get in the middle, he could perceive God as a harsh judge who wants to punish him rather than as a loving father who wants to protect him.

We wish you well,

1 Shanley Pierce, “Touch starvation is a consequence of COVID-19’s physical distancing,” TMC (Texas Medical Center), 15 May 2020 Online 10 April 2023.