I made the biggest mistake of my life by going out with a guy who is not a follower of Christ, as I am. I ended up pregnant, and my baby was born; but I never moved out of my family’s house. My baby’s father had hopes that we would get married and be a family; but he doesn’t want to go to church and, the few times he has gone, my family has treated him very badly, to the extent that he doesn’t want to return.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to share my son because I know that his father at some point will want to take him, but I also wonder if I should marry him. I feel like I’m in a maze with no exit. It’s not my baby’s fault, and I don’t want him to suffer in a dysfunctional family because of my bad decisions.

Dear Friend,

The saddest part of your situation is the fact that your family treats your boyfriend badly when he goes to church! They are being unwise and immature, and they are certainly not acting as Christ Himself would act. They obviously don’t understand that it is too late for them to blame your boyfriend and be angry with him. Now it is time to forgive him and show him the love of Christ.

It is also too late for you to decide that you don’t want to share your son. He belongs equally to his biological father as he does to his biological mother. You chose this man to be your son’s father, and you cannot go back and change your mind now.

How a child grows up is determined completely by the values of his mother and father. As a follower of Christ, your values are determined by the Bible, but we have no way of knowing about the values of your son’s father. We cannot advise you to marry someone whose values and beliefs may be completely different from yours.

On the other hand, we cannot advise you to rear your child without his father. Children are better off when they have a mother and a father in the home. That’s why God made it biologically necessary for there to be a man and a woman in order to procreate a child.

Do not ever expect your boyfriend to go back to your church where even your family treats him badly. Instead, we suggest that you find a different church with sound Bible doctrine where the three of you can go as a family. But don’t just go to church; talk afterward about what you learned. Find out what your boyfriend believes and what he disagrees with. Explain what you believe and why. Discuss the values you consider important and want your child to be taught. Don’t discuss marriage until or unless the two of you can agree on these important issues. And during this time it is extremely important to refrain from all sexual intimacy.

We wish you well,