More tan a year ago I met a woman, and after a month she told me that she did not want a relationship with me, but rather only dreamed about getting pregnant and having a child whom she would rear alone. I gave in, and… she got pregnant. After that, she kept her distance from me for several months.
Some time after the baby was born… the woman asked me to register my name on the birth certificate as the biological father, and I said no; but then I gave in and did it….
Now I give her money and visit the child, but I feel bad because the woman threatens constantly to sue me if I don’t give her the amount of money she specifies…. I want to do the right thing for the child, no matter what; but I don’t want the woman to put a stain on my resumé with a lawsuit for child support, as that would affect my professional career.
Dear Friend,
It sounds like she set you up! She found a nice professional man who could give her child a good name and financial support. Then she worked on you, little by little, until you were caught in her snare. Now she has you exactly where she wants you.
The tragic part of the story is that your innocent daughter is the victim. She has to grow up and find out that you never wanted her.
Nevertheless, you are now obligated to support your daughter until she is an adult, so it is good that you have decided that it is the right thing to do. But you will never, ever come to an agreement with your daughter’s mother about money. So your only recourse is to hire an attorney who can help you get the appropriate financial details registered with the court, and who also can make sure that you get appropriate visitation rights.
Your daughter needs a father, not just a financial donor. Make it a priority to spend time with her and to show her your love. You may not feel any love right now, but you can start by showing love without feeling it, and sooner or later you will feel it.
You now understand that it was a mistake to have sex with this woman. Even though she revealed her plan, you still let it happen. You intentionally got her pregnant. Other men who unintentionally get their girlfriends pregnant wish that they had understood the probability of pregnancy as you did.
However, it doesn’t really matter how it happened. You can’t go back and correct the mistake. You can only go forward, making your daughter’s welfare a priority in your life.
God’s plan is to save sexual relationships for marriage. Those who follow God know that it is not easy to choose His plan for their lives, and that it is not easy to refrain from doing what so many others think is acceptable. But choosing God’s way will prevent situations like yours, and it will prevent many children from already being victims the moment that they are born.
We wish you well,
Linda