My pregnancy with our daughter was very traumatic for me. I was sick the entire time… and there were times when my life was at risk. Then the birth almost killed me because of problems with the anesthesia….

I don’t want to go through that again. That experience left me afraid to get pregnant again, but everyone who is close to us insists that we should have another child. I have talked about it with my husband, and he… doesn’t pressure me. But the list of opinions of others is very long, and it makes me believe that I’m being selfish by thinking of my wellbeing instead of what everyone else wants.

Dear Friend,

We are very sorry to hear how difficult your pregnancy was. No wonder you don’t want to go through that again! Some will call it fear, but others will agree that it is wise to avoid more potential trauma to your body. You already have a daughter to care for, and she needs her mom to be healthy.

Is it selfish to do what you and your husband think is best, rather than to do what other people think you should do? No! It is not their place to decide what is best for you. They are unwise to try and pressure you to do something that you do not think is the right thing. They likely think that they know better than you do and that their motivation is for your own good. But that doesn’t make their advice right for you.

Those of us who follow Christ have clear directions to follow when we don’t know what God’s will is. First, we search the Holy Scriptures for any teaching that might apply to our situation. There is no Biblical teaching that tells a couple how many children they should have.

When there is no Biblical answer, the next step for followers of Christ is to speak to God Himself in prayer. If you and your husband have not already been praying to God about this matter, then that is your next step. Pray together every day that God will reveal His will to you. Ask Him to let you know if He thinks it is best for you to have another child, and if so, when. If you are in tune with Him and trust Him, He can influence your thinking and your decision.

While it is true that other people can sometimes give wise advice, it is also true that other well-meaning people can give horrible advice. That is why followers of Christ should first consult the Bible and then pray about their personal decisions. Advice from others should never replace this order of priority.

When anyone brings up the subject of you having another child, tell them that you and your husband are praying about it and that you will let them know after God lets you know. Until then, it is best not to discuss it.

We wish you well,