I am a thirty-six-year-old woman who feels totally empty and forgotten. It is embarrassing to admit that at my age I have never had a romantic relationship. I have never been kissed, and I feel guilty about that. I think that if I had been a person who enjoys going out, dancing, [and having a good time], I would be telling a different story.

I have been on a few dates, but [I ended up very disappointed].

I have cried many tears. I long to be kissed and hugged! … Besides that, my dream has always been to have a daughter and to be a mother. That is what hurts the most…. Why did God put desires in my heart if it’s not possible for them to be fulfilled?

Dear Friend,

You ask an interesting question about God putting desires in your heart. The specific desires that you are referring to are the ones that God put into the hearts of the human race in general so that future generations would continue to be born.

Of course, not every man wants to get married and become a father, and not every woman wants to be married and become a mother. But most do, and that’s because those desires are common to most people, and not specific to you alone.

However, understanding that most people have the same desires does not make you feel any better. In fact, it just leads to the question, “Why did God let everyone except me have their desires fulfilled?”

Unfortunately, comparing yourself to everyone else is a prescription for depression, which makes you believe that it is too late for you, and that all your opportunities are in the past.

Depression is accompanied by guilt feelings and self-condemnation. In spite of the fact that you can’t change the DNA that you were born with and makes you who you are, you feel guilty for not having changed it. You were born an introvert, not an extrovert, and that is nothing to feel guilty about.

Naturally, it is much more difficult for introverts to cultivate relationships. But it doesn’t require going out at night. Instead, it requires finding activities that you enjoy, and going to places where other introverts (and extroverts) will be. The best places are those that recruit volunteers, such as animal shelters, libraries, hospitals, churches, and other non-profit organizations. The larger the organization, the better the chances of meeting new friends and men that you might be interested in.

As for your desire to have a daughter, we recommend that you research where the resources for neglected and abandoned children are in your area. There may be volunteer opportunities to work with these unfortunate children. You have a lot of love to give, and they need it desperately. And eventually, like my husband and me, you may end up adopting one or more of them.

We wish you well,