When I was in kindergarten, one day a little girl in my class didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and wet her clothes. She started crying and I laughed and made fun of her… I was extremely cruel to her.

Now… I’m an adult college graduate. When I think about what I did as a child, I feel guilt and regret. I have a heavy weight on my conscience…. How could I have been so insensitive and cruel? … I wish I could turn back time and undo what I did….

My conscience torments me, and I haven’t been able to forgive myself. Do you have any advice for me?

Dear Friend,

We are so sorry to learn of the torment that you have been experiencing! As often happens, your mind is mixing together what you remember with an inaccurate assumption that you have made.

You are assuming that your child self had the capacity to think and reason as an adult. This is completely inaccurate. From the time of the Apostle Paul, who lived in the first century, there was an understanding that children are not as physically or mentally developed as adults. He wrote, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”(1)

In modern times, Jean Piaget, the well-known twentieth century psychologist, set forth a theory of cognitive development that is very well accepted by child development specialists. Part of his theory is that children from about age two to about age seven are in what is referred to as the preoperational stage.(2) At the beginning of this time period children are completely egocentric and cannot mentally put themselves in the position of anyone else. Their brains are developing as they grow, so they are just beginning to be able to see things from other perspectives than their own.

Children in the early stages of development may mimic the speech and actions that they hear and see. If other children are taunting, they too will likely taunt. If other children are cruel, they will probably be cruel themselves. Some children may mimic their siblings’ and their parents’ speech and behavior that they have heard and seen. However, they are not able to understand when certain speech or behavior is appropriate or inappropriate. And they cannot comprehend that their words and actions have consequences.

When you judge yourself for speech and actions that happened while you were in kindergarten, you completely disregard those child development principles. Although it is commendable to feel sorrow for what you did and to wish that you had acted differently, it is not healthy to ruminate on those thoughts. Instead, confess those sins along with your other sins to God in prayer. The Apostle Paul assures us that, after we have confessed, those of us who belong to Christ Jesus are no longer judged guilty.(3)

We wish you well,

Linda
____________________
1 1Co 13:11
2 Kendra Cherry, MSEd, “Piaget’s 4 Stages of Cognitive Development Explained: Background and Key Concepts of Piaget’s Theory”, Verywell Mind, 1 may 2024 <https://www.verywellmind.com/piagets-stages-of-cognitive-development-2795457> Online 14 July 2024.
3 Ro 8:1