About three years ago, I met a woman and fell in love with her, even though I am married…. I have two children with my wife, and the other woman has three children…. During these three years we have secretly continued our relationship.
I tried to end it. I prayed to God every night that He would help me and take away the love that I feel for this woman. I believe that I lost my faith because I didn’t receive what I so fervently asked for.
The other woman is still in love with me. She begged me to not push her away… and an intense feeling of guilt is consuming me…
Dear Friend,
Fortunately for you, your conscience seems to be in great working order. It is trying to warn you of the danger that is ahead if you continue down this same path.
You say that you have lost your faith because God hasn’t done what you ask Him to do when you pray each night. Yet you admit that an intense feeling of guilt is consuming you. That’s because you know that what you are doing is wrong. Obviously God is speaking to you and letting you know what you should do. He is answering your prayers by way of your conscience.
However, you are asking God to take away your love for the other woman. To do that, God would have to take away your free moral agency and forcefully replace one of your feelings with another. This is impossible because God never forces us to do anything. He did not program us like robots to do what He wants us to do. On the contrary, He gave us the freedom to choose for ourselves what we are going to do.
Some of the choices that God gave us the power to make on our own lead us down the wrong path, but He is there, speaking through our consciences, warning us and advising us to get back on the right path.
It sounds like you believe that your love for the other woman makes you a victim, unable to take any action for yourself, and that you believe that God should take away your love for her so that you won’t be a victim. But the truth is that none of us are victims of our feelings.
It is not justified for any of us to steal bread because we feel hungry, nor to put our fist through a wall because we feel angry, nor to take out our frustration on all those around us because we feel irritated.
If you want your conscience to stop bothering you, take action for yourself. No matter how you feel, tell the woman that it is over and that you are going to be faithful to your wife. From now on, use all the time and energy that you have been spending on the other woman to have a better relationship with your wife and children.
We wish you well,
Linda