I dated a woman for two years and, although we did not get engaged, we were intimate. During that time, I also had sexual relations with prostitutes… but I never told my girlfriend because I knew it would hurt her deeply.

Due to the guilt I feel, I decided to end the relationship because I think I don’t deserve her. Now she is asking me to come back. I’ve distanced myself from God, and I don’t know what to do.
Should I tell her the truth and let her go, or should I simply walk away without saying anything so that I don’t hurt her even more? The guilt of having lied to her is consuming me.

Dear Friend,

If your ex-girlfriend is like most women, the moment that you left her she began imagining that she is not pretty enough for you, or that she is not smart enough, or that she doesn’t measure up in some other way. She is almost certainly doubting herself even though she clearly was not at fault.

You say that you know it would hurt her deeply to find out that you were repeatedly unfaithful and that you lied about it. But would knowing the truth really hurt her more than you have already hurt her? We don’t think so. We think that she would be angry, of course, but that she would ultimately be able to stop imagining that it was she who did something wrong. So the only kind thing to do is to have the courage to tell her everything that you did.

It is also the right thing to discontinue the relationship. You clearly are not ready to commit to just one woman. Nor are you ready to be a man who is trustworthy. So even if she were willing to forgive you and take you back, resuming the relationship as it was would be a big mistake.

You say that you believe you don’t deserve her. This might be true, but would you like to change? Would you like to be the kind of man who would deserve her? Would you like to stop being consumed by guilt?

Although you have sinned a great deal, there is no limit that keeps you from asking God for His forgiveness. Jesus Christ, God’s Son, already took the penalty that you deserve for your actions. He died on a cross to pay for your sin and mine. If you pray and ask Him to forgive you, you can get rid of the guilt and begin a new life as a follower of Christ.

Find a church where the people who attend are followers of Christ. Talk to God regularly through prayer, and allow Him to talk to you through the words of the Bible. Make the decision, with God’s help, to remain celibate until you are married to a woman who is a follower of Christ just like you. In that kind of marriage, you can experience the relationship that God planned for you from the beginning.

We wish you well,

Linda