I’ve been married for eighteen years. I got married because I got pregnant when I was twenty-five years old.
During the first four years, my husband would go out partying on weekends and come home late and drunk. He has been very irresponsible with our finances. He’s rude, he uses swear words when he speaks to me, and he calls me fat and ugly. I feel burdened down and like I don’t love him anymore.
I’m seeking God and visiting a Christian church, but my husband doesn’t want to go with me. I’m looking for a word of advice.
Dear Friend,
We are very sorry to hear that your husband has treated you in such a way that you feel like you are having to carry a heavy weight. His insults have made you feel weak, which makes the load even heavier to carry. So it is not surprising that you can no longer feel the love that you had for him.
The reason you give for having married your husband suggests that you wouldn’t have chosen him had you not gotten pregnant. Unfortunately, this is often the case when a child is conceived before a couple is married. The pregnancy leads to a marriage that is not based on mutual love and respect. Of course, this is a far superior option than killing the baby by abortion, but a mismatched marriage usually leads to decades of unhappiness. This is why we strongly support saving sexual intimacy for after the marriage ceremony.
Since you obviously can’t go back and change what happened nor the decisions you made, it’s time now to think of what’s best for your child and for you.
We not only believe that attending a Christian church, as you’ve been doing, is a positive step, but also suggest that you attend the special classes that are just for women, as well as any small group Bible studies. However, remember that not everyone who attends a Christian church is a follower of Christ, and that not every follower of Christ has studied the Bible enough to be able to give you sound advice. Therefore, you should not automatically trust everyone you meet in church.
If you are a follower of Christ and begin to study His teachings, you can ask Him for wisdom as to how to get help for your marriage, and ask Him to give you discernment, which is the ability to sense whether a person is what he or she seems to be. He can help you find helpful resources available where you live, but we also suggest that you seek professional counseling.
Furthermore, as a follower of Christ, when you begin to put his teachings to work in your life, you become a new person. The more that your husband sees you as this new person, the more he will be interested in finding out about what has caused this change in your life.1
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 2Co 5:17; 1Co 7:12-16; 1Pe 2:12