I am twenty-six and my wife is thirty. These years have been difficult due to financial problems. I have struggled multiple times to find a job because I don’t yet have a university degree, and that has been a big issue in our relationship. My wife has a bachelor’s degree, making it easier for her to find employment, so she has often had to take care of things that are my responsibility…. We have a beautiful three-year-old baby….
She doesn’t want to be with me anymore because of everything that’s happened, and I understand. I know she hates me because she has told me so…. She keeps telling me to find another woman, that she wants to have new experiences. But as long as we’re married, as far as I’m concerned she is the only woman I should look at because I still love her even though she doesn’t feel the same way about me, and also because I fear God.
Dear Friend,
When you say that you fear God, we believe that you are referring to the kind of fear that is healthy respect. In other words, you respect God and His Commandments, and you would never want to break the commandment that warns us not to commit adultery.
You are choosing to try and save your marriage because you don’t want to break the commandment, but also because you love your family. You want your child to have the advantage and security of growing up in a home with father and mother. That is a very important priority.
However, the idea that you must have a university degree to have a steady job is unfounded. In every country the majority of the population don’t have a university degree, and yet those people manage to find jobs that don’t require one. You say that you have struggled multiple times to find a job, which implies that you have had multiple jobs but have not kept those jobs for very long.
Why did you leave the jobs that you had? Did you quit, or were you fired? We know people who seem to change jobs often, and it is frequently because they have not been able to get along with their bosses, or they don’t like following orders, or they feel that the kind of work they are doing is too menial for them. If you have quit jobs or have been fired for any of those reasons, then we can understand why your wife is frustrated with you.
It is great that you respect God and want to keep the Ten Commandments, but God wants you to know that He loves you and wants the best for you and your family. He’s not a distant God that’s waiting to punish you for your sins, but rather a close God who loves you more than you could ever understand. In fact, He loves you, and us, so much that He was willing to sacrifice His only Son to pay the penalty for all our sins. Ask Him directly for His help and wisdom to know how to proceed.
We wish you well,
Linda