I made the worst mistake of my life by being unfaithful to my beloved wife—not just once, but several times—and she found out. As a result, we’ve been separated for almost two months. During this time, I sought God’s forgiveness and found grace in Him…. Now our seven-year-old son is with me because my wife began to neglect him due to the pain caused by my infidelity….
Recently I had a conversation with her, and she told me that she never loved me, that she only married me because she got pregnant with my child outside of marriage. That hurt me….
My question is: Does God want me to fight for my marriage or not? I want to keep fighting.
Dear Friend,
We are happy to hear that you have asked God’s forgiveness and that you have experienced the grace and forgiveness that He offers. We hope that you have found a church where the people follow Christ and show His love to others by their attitudes and actions. You and your son will greatly benefit from joining a community of followers of Christ where you can both grow in understanding of the Bible and of God’s limitless love for you.
However, your son must be very confused as a result of the turmoil in your lives. Don’t be surprised if he begins to act out his feelings by causing trouble in school or by being rebellious to you and your wife. This is because his age makes it impossible for him to comprehend what is going on in his life, and he needs constant reassurance that you both love him and that it is not his fault that you are no longer living together.
With regard to your wife’s statement that she had never loved you, it may be true, but it also may be her retaliation for your infidelity. You hurt her, so now she may be trying to hurt you.
You say that your wife is experiencing a great deal of pain as a result of your infidelity. She obviously is not ready to consider trusting you again. Your betrayal has wounded her deeply, and it will take a long time for her to heal. Do not expect her to know right now whether or not she will ever be able to trust you enough to resume your marriage.
You ask if God wants you to fight for your marriage. We believe that the answer is yes because Jesus Christ taught that the bonds of marriage join a man and a woman so that they become one.(1) Even though your infidelity broke those bonds in two, it is still your responsibility to try and mend them. You should therefore be newly faithful to your wife and work on becoming a man that she can trust. If she were to divorce you and get married again, then you would have no more reason to keep trying.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 Mt 19:5