I married a man who is not a follower of Jesus Christ…. He sometimes goes to church with me, but he doesn’t like me going very often…. As a matter of fact, I believe it’s because he always wants to control me, since he also doesn’t like it when I visit my parents or go out with them. Lately, we’ve been arguing a lot because of that control he wants to exert over me.

He wants another child, and so do I, but I’m afraid of bringing another child into the world to suffer…. I’m already thirty-seven years old, and I feel like time is running out. I can’t make the decision whether to stay and wait for him to change in order to have another baby, or to separate and be left alone with my daughter.

Dear Friend,

We can understand why you are not sure of what to do. When you chose to date, and then marry, a man who is not a follower of Christ, you let this man lead you instead of letting Christ lead you. Now you see that it may be impossible to follow his lead as your husband while trying to follow Christ at the same time.

We would love to be able to help you out and give you some advice, but unfortunately there are no easy answers. Instead, we believe that you need to consult with a marriage counselor in order to have some help in working these things out. A professional counselor could identify the controlling behavior, and help the two of you to have a more balanced relationship.

We are concerned that your husband is trying to isolate you from your family as well as your church. However, we have no way to know his side of the story. This is another issue that a counselor could help sort out.

As for having another child, we believe that you are wise to wait. Some people think that a new baby will bring couples close together, but the truth is that a new child usually adds stress to the marriage. If you go to counseling and your marriage relationship improves, that would be the time to consider having another baby. However, if your husband refuses to go to counseling, then we recommend that you go by yourself.

The Apostle Peter taught that the wife should submit to her husband so that, if he does not believe God’s word, it is her conduct that could prove to win him over, with no need for words.(1) This teaching may be difficult to follow, but it does suggest that you, as a follower of Christ, can live in such a way that your husband can see Christ in you. However, it does not mean that you must comply with your husband’s wishes if he abuses you in any way, including the emotional abuse of being isolated from all others.

We wish you well,

Linda
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1 1Pe 3:1