We are a family of five siblings and our father and mother. She has been a good mother…. About a month and a half ago, my father started drinking. As a consequence, he was beaten and almost killed, and now he is very angry. He mistreats my mother and says that we, his children, are worthless.

We have paid my father’s debts and have always helped him…. During our childhood, he mistreated us…. Is it wrong if, when he mistreats our mother, we tell him that what he’s doing is wrong? … What does the Bible say about honoring your parents?

Dear Friend,

We are so sorry about how your father has treated you, your mother, and your siblings, both now and when you were a child! All of you have been your father’s victims in spite of how carefully you have treated him and how you have tried to honor him.

It is always difficult to know what to do when there is more than one Biblical teaching that could apply to a situation. You want to know what the Bible says about honoring our parents. One of the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses tells us to honor our father and our mother,(1) but to honor your father does not mean that you have to agree with his words and actions, or that you should allow yourself or your mother to be abused. Nor does it mean that you must support your father’s choices or provide funds to get him out of the natural consequences of his actions.

Another Biblical teaching that applies to your situation was given by the Apostle Paul. He taught that we are to “speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”(2) Paul was saying that the way to be more like Jesus Christ is to follow His example of speaking the truth in love. Therefore, our answer to your first question is yes, you should respectfully tell your father that what he is doing is wrong. Of course, he won’t accept it or admit it, but don’t let that stop you from telling him the truth in love.

However, if your father is abusing your mother, then it is also right for you to physically protect her from him. Remember that love never protects sin; it protects people. Consequently, in a spirit of love, you are to protect your mother even though your father disagrees and is angry with you all. He will likely say every evil thought that comes to his mind as a way of manipulating all of you and justifying his own behavior. But remember that God is on your side and that, according to the psalmist David, “God’s a safe-house for the battered, a sanctuary during bad times.”(3)

We wish you well,

Linda
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1 Ex 20:12
2 Eph 4:15 (NLT)
3 Ps 9:9 (MSG)