My husband drinks too much and doesn’t come home. Because of all this, our two sons moved out and only our daughter still lives with us. She once talked with him about his problem, just as I have, but he does all right for a while and then slips back into the same pattern, always putting his friends before his family.
The last time he did this, he went out to drink in his car and three days passed before we knew anything about him. I am desperate! I’ve prayed to God, but I don’t see any change in him….What advice can you give me?
Dear Friend,
As you may already know, both my father and mother were alcoholics, as well as my stepfather. So I know exactly how your children feel and what they have gone through, and fully identify with the desperation and hopelessness that your family feels. Although I can’t tell you what to do, I can share some general principles that might help you.
I am so sorry that your prayers seem to go unanswered! While it is true that God can do anything, it is also true that He doesn’t force anyone to do things His way. Your husband gets to choose his own path regardless of how destructive that path is. But you, of course, should continue to pray that God will put obstacles in his way so that he will be faced with his addiction and his inability to recover without help.
The reason you believe that your husband puts his friends before his family is that his friends support his way of life and you don’t. When your husband comes home, he feels badly about himself and his actions, but with his friends he feels good and he can forget about the negative consequences of his behavior.
While there are differing opinions on whether alcoholism is the result of a disease, a moral failure, or a combination of the two, there is no disagreement on the cure. Decades of research and experience have shown that alcoholism must be treated with intensive and daily group interaction. Alcoholics must develop friendship and support among others who are fighting the same enemy. That’s why there are groups like Alcoholics Anonymous in almost every place in the world where drinking is legal.
Can God forgive someone with alcoholic behaviors? Of course He can! He loves the alcoholic and wants to forgive. But will God take away the intense craving for alcohol instantly? Usually not. Alcohol addiction is a slow process that gradually changes the brain, and it is an equally slow process to resist those cravings that have been formed there.
As a praying woman, you have access to God Himself. He is the only One who can help you know what to do. Ask Him to show you what is best for you, your daughter, and your husband.
We wish you well,
Linda