I have a question. I would like to be happily married and have a family that honors God. But how am I going to be able to identify the person that God has for me? How am I going to know if I’m about to make a bad decision? I believe that God has a special person for every human being, because God didn’t design us to be alone.

Dear Friend,

We’re glad you are asking these questions. Many people are curious about the same subject.

Rather than repeat advice that we have already given, we would like for you to read Case 210 and follow the advice that we gave there for how to know which guys might be good choices to get to know better. Instead of thinking that any guy could be the right one, there is a process in Case 210 that will help you separate all guys into two groups: the ones that are definitely not good for you, and the ones that might be good for you.

However, you may be thinking: “But I want God to show me the right one. I’m afraid I won’t make the right choice.”

The key word is choice. God gives you the choice. He doesn’t command you to marry a certain one, but rather gives you the thinking ability to find and distinguish the one that would be the best for you.

In Cases 405 and 741 we have given additional advice about what to do in your search for the right person to marry. It will take action on your part. You can’t sit at home and expect God to send the right guy to your door. Just as God expects us to work to make a living for ourselves, He also expects us to put effort into finding the right person to marry.

Movies and novels give the impression that there will be a romantic spark that you feel when you find the right guy. Those stories make it seem like you will catch his eye from across a crowded room and just know that he is the one. Unfortunately, that is not love; it is physical attraction.

Feeling that physical attraction is the reason that so many people choose the wrong person to marry. They feel fluttering butterflies in their stomachs and want to be close to each other. Many times this feeling leads to premarital sexual relations which cause brain chemicals to be released, making them feel linked to that person they may barely know. And once the relationship is built on the physical, it is very easy for them to overlook all the characteristics that they really don’t like about the possible mate.

To avoid a bad marriage, first determine that you will not participate in a physically intimate relationship until you are married. Then use your brain to learn the character, the beliefs, and the habits of any guy, before you risk your heart.

We wish you well,