I am thirty-four years old and married. When I was single, I never thought that I would ever be a mother because children annoyed me. But now I’m the mother of two.
Ever since my eldest son was born (who is now three years old), I have kept having bad thoughts that are to his detriment, like what if he were run over, or if I injured him with scissors that are in my hand, or if I harmed him in some other way…. I ask God to forgive me… but these bad thoughts about my son keep recurring even though I love him incredibly. I don’t know if this is normal.
Thank you for asking for our advice. We strongly urge you to take what we have to say very seriously.
Even though no one has to give in to temptation, it is normal to be tempted. Everyone is tempted in some or many ways. Children are tempted to disobey their parents. Parents, when angry, are tempted to punish their children too harshly. And rich and poor people alike are tempted to make a little extra money by cutting corners or by misappropriating funds.
When, therefore, does temptation cease to be normal? You say that you love your son incredibly. That is what you consciously feel. But that love is not consistent with your temptation to hurt him, which is part of your unconscious mind. It is as if there were a war going on in your brain between the conscious and the unconscious. In order to be resolved, this kind of war needs professional help. You cannot settle this alone.
The fact that the temptation keeps returning, in spite of how much you want it to go away, indicates that the war within you is very serious and dangerous. We are concerned that stress or circumstances could give your unconscious an advantage, and you could carry through with what you are tempted to do, even though the thought horrifies you.
Your children are in danger, and your well-being and future are in danger. You must make an appointment immediately to consult with a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in helping people who are not able to help themselves because of complicated issues.
You have done the right thing by asking God to forgive you for any wrong that you have done. Being tempted is not something that you can control, so God doesn’t judge you for your temptations. But if you were to give in to any temptation and carry through what you are tempted with, then you would certainly be sinning against God.
Though God is able to miraculously cure all illness, most of the time He expects us to consult with doctors and do as much as we can for ourselves. We implore you to find a psychiatrist as quickly as possible and to carry through with the treatment that he or she prescribes.
We wish you well,