Before we were married, I forced my wife to have an abortion. For a long time we have been sorry for that evil decision, and now, after nine years, we would like to have a child; but she can’t get pregnant. All of the medical exams have come out fine and there is no physical abnormality in either of us. We ask ourselves every day if she is not getting pregnant because of the abortion….
The emptiness and sadness for having aborted never stop, and it seems like the joy of living has left us. I would like to wake up every day with joy, but I don’t find pleasure in anything. Everything is so pointless! Life has no meaning without being able to experience it. Could there possibly be something else for us, or should we resign ourselves to living in sadness and waiting for death to beckon us?
Dear Friend,
Don’t neglect to thank God every day that all the medical tests have clearly demonstrated that both of you are physically able to have biological children. Unlike you, hundreds of thousands of couples have received the devastating news that they are unable to conceive, and they would love to have received your good news instead. Rather than concentrating on the negative fact that your wife hasn’t conceived yet, wake up every day and be grateful that medically it is still possible for you to have biological children.
But what about emotionally? It is very common for people who have had abortions to feel tremendous guilt for having ended their child’s life. You may never stop thinking of the child that would have been. It is good to allow yourselves to grieve over that child.
However, the guilt and the anxiety may have resulted in lifestyle changes that make it more difficult for your wife to conceive. Certainly the depression that you describe may also be a contributing factor. Since our emotions are directly related to chemical substances in our bodies, those chemicals cause side effects that can result in physical and mental imbalances. Those imbalances don’t prevent pregnancy, but they definitely make it more difficult. Please tell your doctor about your feelings. He or she may be able to help with the depression.
Many people believe that God is punishing them for something that they did in the past. However, that belief is mistaken. You don’t have to be punished. Instead, Christ took your punishment when He died on the cross for your sins. If you ask Him to forgive you, He will. He doesn’t require any penance or penalty, but He does ask to come into your everyday life and to be your Best Friend. He can take away the guilt and give you the joy that you long for.
If you want to be parents, there are many ways to accomplish that goal. Have you considered adopting your first child? How about becoming foster parents? There are so many unwanted children in the world that could have their lives changed because of the love you have to give! And it is not uncommon for couples that adopt to end up having one or more biological children soon afterward.
We wish you well,
Linda