I met a girl, we started dating, and she became my girlfriend. After about a year, I realized that my feelings had changed toward her, so I told her that I didn’t love her and that we should break up. But she refused, and I gave in because I didn’t want to see her suffer either.
Two years have gone by like this and I’m still not in love with her, but I haven’t been able to end it because I don’t want to hurt her…. She wants to take our relationship to the next level… so she disregards what I say to her and insists on staying together…. How can I make her understand?
Dear Friend,
We commend you for doing your best not to hurt your girlfriend any more than necessary. You have stayed with her for an entire year, knowing that you have no future with her. Unfortunately, she constantly hopes that your feelings will change and that you will fall in love with her. But by now she has had adequate time and adequate warning regarding your feelings and intentions.
It is obvious that you would be happier with a woman who listened and understood what you said to her. The mere fact that your girlfriend won’t listen, and refuses to understand, means that she is not the kind of woman that you would want to stay with for a lifetime.
Couples must be able to communicate well with each other before considering a lasting relationship. Each of them should feel that the other listens and understands their feelings and thoughts. As the relationship progresses, neither should keep secrets from the other, but rather they should be able to discuss everything. Both should feel comfortable discussing familial relationships and obligations, financial obligations (especially existing debt), spiritual commitment, and emotional strengths and limitations.
God designed the marriage relationship to be different from all others. He intended for married couples to be completely honest and vulnerable with each other, sharing their deepest dreams and fears. They should be able to trust each other completely, physically as well as emotionally. Until that mutual trust develops, no couple should even consider the idea of future marriage.
In your case, we suggest that you set up a meeting with your girlfriend and a friend or relative of hers. Explain to both of them that you care about her too much to continue letting her waste her life with you when there is no future in it. Say that the relationship is over and that you will no longer see her nor communicate in any way. Then leave the meeting place and block her number from your phone. If you do it this way, your girlfriend will have the friend or relative to help her understand.
The man who wrote to us in Case 256 had the same situation that you have. Read that case and look for the ways we suggested that the man’s girlfriend might react. It is likely that you will have the same response from your girlfriend.
We wish you the best,
Linda