I have lived my whole life in a family environment marked by verbal and physical violence, which has made me hesitant to start my own family….

I remember that, when I was four years old, my mother would hit me, and those punishments left deep wounds that have led me to develop certain non-chemical addictions to ease my pain.
I realize that I need help….

Sometimes I wish I could go far away and rebuild my life, but I fear for my father. I don’t want to leave him alone with my mother… who is very abusive towards him…. I would never forgive myself if something happened and I were not there to prevent it.

Dear Friend,

It takes courage to acknowledge your pain and your addictions, and we honor you for doing that. Telling us your story is a brave first step, and we are confident that you will continue to take the next steps with that same courage.

A lifetime of emotional, verbal and physical abuse has caused your brain to be chemically altered. You have been forced to use all your energy just to survive in your demanding environment, and that has resulted in your brain being in continual “fight or flight” mode. The brain chemicals that make you always ready to fight or run are good, but too much of those chemicals can do harm. Your addictions are self-imposed ways to try to reverse the harm.

You acknowledge that you need help, so reach out for it today! Make an appointment with a medical doctor and ask for a referral to a professional who has experience treating ongoing trauma. That professional can help you consider all your options as to your living arrangements.

We respect and admire you for wanting to protect your father. But we think that you are stuck inside a vicious cycle of abuse, and that keeps you from being able to see all the options clearly. You need a professional to help you break out of the cycle.

God did not plan for you to have grown up in such chaos. He wants to be near to you and to all of us who have had traumatic childhoods and a complete absence of stability. He understands our weaknesses and He wants to provide healing. The Apostle John declared that “God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”(1)

God’s Son is Jesus Christ. He sacrificed His life on a cross for you and for me. We don’t have to clean ourselves up and then ask for God’s forgiveness. Instead, we can ask for His forgiveness and then let Him show us how we need to change. He is waiting for you to call on Him in prayer right now. He is your loving Father who is longing to be near to you every day.

We wish you well,

Linda
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1 Jn 3:17 (NIV)