Dad is seventy-two years old. He is a fugitive of justice because he inappropriately touched a sixteen-year-old girl. We helped him because we didn’t know the full extent of the matter, but he was sentenced to ten years in prison and is now in hiding….
Now Dad practically wants us to take care of him entirely. I am already forty-six years old. I am no longer the child he used to manipulate, but my love for Christ puts me in a dilemma as to how to proceed. He used to abuse me and beat me a lot, but I forgave him.
Dear Friend,
On the one hand, we are very sorry to hear about your childhood filled with abuse and your current difficulties with your father. On the other, we are relieved to know that you have experienced the greatest peace that there is because you love Jesus Christ, God’s Son, and are following Him.
In fact, because you are a follower of Christ you are now concerned about breaking one of the Ten Commandments, that is, the one that tells us to honor our parents.
Your case is one more in which it seems impossible to obey two or more of God’s laws at the same time. You want to honor your father according to the commandment, yet you live in a country that has laws and authorities to enforce them. Regarding those laws, the Apostle Paul taught that “whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”(1) So how is it possible to honor your father and to subject yourself to the laws of the government at the same time?
The answer is found in the meaning of the word “honor.” It means to give high respect and esteem. For many adult children, it is recognizing all that their parents did to help them grow up and succeed in life. It is an acknowledgement of diapers changed, food prepared, clothing provided, and sometimes wisdom imparted and sacrifices made.
Honor does not mean that children are obligated to cover for a parent’s irresponsible spending habits or illegal actions. We have heard of many cases where unwise and irresponsible parents have tried to use that commandment to require their children to support them and even pay their debts. In your case, your father is trying to leverage it to require you to hide him from the authorities. That is not honor!
Laws differ from one country to another, but in many countries you could be breaking the law by enabling your father. We recommend that you tell him that the next time you see him you will have to call the police and report his whereabouts. He will be very angry and will lash out at you with all of the weapons of manipulation in his arsenal, so you should determine in advance that none of his words have the power to harm you.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 Ro 13:2