My case is just like all the others of stupid men who… commit adultery. When my son was only five months old, I had a sexual encounter with a woman from work and she ended up pregnant. My wife threw me out of the house, but after a little while I went back. She then told me that she couldn’t forgive me, and… in the past few months the arguments have gotten more verbally violent….

For economic reasons, I haven’t been able to leave my wife… and, in less than two months, I expect to be sent to jail for not paying child support to the other woman like I am supposed to do. Obviously that would cause me to lose my job and everything would be even more complicated. As you can see, this dilemma is a living hell, because it would be easier to commit suicide and let the insurance pay my debts, so I can finally rest, than to go on. But I don’t have enough courage to do that yet.

Dear Friend,

You are right when you say that you are just like many other men who have gotten themselves into this same kind of situation. And just like those men, you don’t have any good options left. Of course, killing yourself is not a positive alternative. Your death would not solve any of your problems, and in addition, insurance policies won’t pay when a death is the result of suicide.

We find it interesting that you don’t even mention the child that you created as a result of your adultery. You don’t ask how to be a good father for that child, or even how to keep the child from resenting you as he grows up. You don’t seem at all concerned about how that child will feel when he discovers that he was unplanned and unwanted. And you don’t express any concern for the feelings of the other woman, or your wife, or your legitimate son.

What you do seem to care about is how to find the easiest path to rid yourself of your own problems; never mind the emotional pain that everyone else is suffering! This is evidence of the same selfishness that got you into the situation you are in now. You did what felt good to you in that moment with your coworker, having no thought for the feelings of anyone else or the possible consequences of your actions.

The Apostle Paul taught, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”(1) As long as your primary goal in life is to do what is best for yourself, without even considering what is best for your two families, you will continue to suffer the living hell that you describe.

Accept responsibility for your actions! Make a determination to work hard to provide economic support and a good example for both of your children. If you have to go to jail, then use the time there to think about how you can be a better man and a good father. Begin to focus on what is best for your children rather than what is best for you.

If you find it difficult to think of your children’s well-being rather than your own, we suggest that you pray and confess your sins to God, asking Him to forgive you for your wrongattitudes and actions, and accepting His Son Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. If you begin a personal relationship with God, He can help you loveothers as you should. And He can help you be a man who can face up to his responsibilities and do what is right for others.

We wish you well,

Linda and Charles
1 Php 2:4