Seven months ago I married a man who had respected me while I was his girlfriend, but four months before the wedding, he began to act very aggressively and violently. He hurts me with offensive words and insults, and he also hits me when he is depressed or tired. He takes out all his anger on me, and then asks me to forgive him when he sees what he has done to me and that I am crying. He swears that he will change. I don’t know what to do. I feel like my life with him is a hell on earth. I haven’t been able to get pregnant, and I think that this might be one of the reasons why my husband doesn’t respect me. I haven’t talked about this with anyone.
We live in my parents’ house, and it terrifies me to think of what will happen when we live alone…. I need advice because I love him so much and it scares me to think of losing him, but I don’t want this torment to continue.
Dear Friend,
You say that it scares you to think of living alone with your husband some day. Doesn’t it scare you to think of how he might harm your future children or even kill one of them, or kill you, someday? It happens every day, all over the world, when women like you choose to put themselves and their children in constant danger.
You also say that he may be angry because you haven’t gotten pregnant, but we can only assume that you are living with your parents because you are not financially ready to even have your own home, much less to have a baby to support. We believe that you should thank God that you haven’t gotten pregnant yet. So far there is no child who has to grow up with a dangerous and violent father. Getting pregnant would not make the situation better; it would make it worse!
Your husband needs help to overcome his anger issues. He cannot do it alone. As many times as he has promised to never hit you again, it continues to happen. Unfortunately, statistics tell us that without help, he almost certainly will get worse. Because he doesn’t know how to deal with his anger in a positive way, he must get professional help. There are anger management programs almost everywhere and, if he wants to change, he must find a program and take advantage of all its services.
As difficult as it will be, we suggest that you tell your parents about your fear of your husband. Ask them to assist you in removing your husband from their house. Then, together with them, tell your husband that he must move out. Explain that you love him and that you hope that this separation will be temporary, but that he has to get his anger under control if he wants his marriage to continue. He must complete an anger management program and then spend time “dating” you, so that you have plenty of opportunity to see how he handles his anger before he moves back in and before you resume marital relations with him.
We know that this will be a difficult step for you to take because you will feel guilty abandoning the man that you love. But if you let your feelings have control, you will be choosing a sad and painful destiny for yourself and for your future children.
It is great that you have a father who can help protect you from your husband. You also have a Heavenly Father who is willing to help you and give you the strength that you need each day. He loves you so much that He sacrificed His Son to take the punishment for all your sins. All you need to do is pray and ask Him to forgive you for those sins and to come into your life. Then when you begin each day, you can ask Him to give you the wisdom to make a better and more peaceful life for yourself.
I wish you that life,
Linda