I met my husband when I went for a time to work in another country. It all happened very fast. I had only known him a short time when I became pregnant with my son, who is now four years old…. The truth is that we didn’t have much of a courtship. We came to live in his home country… and our marriage is suffering a crisis because of his adultery, and I have also been the victim of his psychological aggression.

The truth is that there are moments when I feel I can’t stand it any longer. I would like to hear your advice. How should I react to all this, since I’ve forgiven him several times for being unfaithful to me, but he always goes and does it again?

Dear Friend,

I am so sorry for what you are going through! I know that you are suffering emotional pain, and that you probably feel alone in another country where you don’t have any extended family.

In many “Cases of the Week” I have counseled that sexual relations outside of marriage are not advisable, and that they break one of the Ten Commandments. Your case is another example of why God gave the commandment.(1) He loves you so much that He didn’t want you to be in this difficult situation. He wanted you to find a man who would be your best friend, a man you could trust, who would love you and who would treasure you for the rest of your life. But because you started a physical relationship with this man without even knowing about his character, you are now tied to a partner who is lying and cheating on you every time he has the opportunity. I can’t know if he truly loves you, but it certainly looks like he only married you because you were pregnant.

A man who has multiple affairs is dangerous to your health. Statistically, it is only a matter of time before he catches a sexually transmitted disease and then passes that disease on to you. I would strongly advise you to be tested for those diseases now, and to insist that your husband do the same. You may already be infected, and if so it is better to begin treatment now. There are certain sexually transmitted diseases that are incurable, and others that can be life threatening. Anyone who has multiple sexual partners is at a high risk of contracting one of these diseases.

Besides a medical doctor, the two of you also need to see a marriage counselor. It will take time and willingness on both your part and your husband’s part to follow the steps that are necessary to save your marriage.

You need the wisdom that only God can give. The most important and helpful thing that you can do is to ask Him to forgive your sins and for His Son Jesus Christ come into your life. He died on the cross to take the eternal punishment for your sins, but you must ask Him. He will give you wisdom to make the right decisions about the difficult days ahead.

I wish you well,

1 Ex 20:14