I have a problem and I don’t know what to do. I am a woman who will soon be thirty-six years old, married, and with one seven-year-old son. My husband and son beg me for another child, but really I don’t know what to do. On the one hand I would like to be able to travel… and to practice my professional career…. I feel that if I have another child, it will keep me from doing these things and my life will be more complicated. But on the other hand I have the desire to be a mom and give my son the opportunity to have a little brother or sister, and of course, my husband a second child.
[However,] I know my husband is not faithful to me…. That’s why I always think it is better not to have more children…
How interesting that you left the most important detail until last. You say that your husband is not faithful to you as if it is an ongoing problem and not just something that happened once. It sounds like he has been unfaithful multiple times, and maybe he is being unfaithful right now.
Have you been tested for venereal diseases? Every time he is unfaithful there is greater risk that he will contract some disease and will then give it to you. As you know, some of those diseases can be deadly.
The fact that your husband is unfaithful means that you do not have a good marriage. We believe that a couple should never have children unless they have a stable marriage. It is a myth that a child will bring a couple closer together or repair what is wrong in their relationship. Many women have believed this myth and later found themselves raising children alone. Their dreams are destroyed and their children’s lives are affected for many years. Instead of repairing a relationship, children just magnify the current problems. But more importantly, children suffer when their parents have serious marital discord. And children certainly suffer when their parents break up, no matter what the reason.
Instead of debating whether or not you should have another child, we suggest that you spend your time and energy on working through your marriage problems. You and your husband may need to go to marriage counseling. If he continues to be unfaithful, you should take measures to protect yourself physically and emotionally.
A proverb by wise Solomon says, “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.”1 Your husband is destroying himself and your entire family with his adulterous behavior. No child should be born into that kind of home. Ask God to give you wisdom in how you can make the best choices for yourself and your son.
We wish you well,
1 Pr 6:32 (ESV)