I married a twenty-six-year-old guy…. We planned to live in another country… and we were going to get a work visa through me…. A short while ago he left me… and then I discovered that he planned to marry me because I could get his visa.

Now he is living with another woman…. How is it possible that a man can be so bad and heartless to marry only so that he can get something…? He never loved me, and I fell in love with him like an idiot and now I am suffering because my marriage was just a lie…. How can there be men that are that bad? Do they ever have to pay for what they do?

Dear Friend,

We are so sorry for the hurt that you are experiencing! You learned the hard way that men are not always what they seem to be. Almost every week we hear about another woman who has been deceived by a man whom she thought was her knight in shining armor. (Of course, women can also deceive men, but that seems to happen less often.)

Almost certainly there were warning signs that you could have noticed. When a man lies, is not accountable for his actions, or tries to control a woman, she should terminate the relationship immediately. When he doesn’t seem to cherish her, doesn’t seem thoughtful, or when he has addictions, she should refuse to see him anymore. But she usually thinks that she can change him, or that he needs her too much to make it on his own. Lies, deceit, manipulation!

You ask how a man can be so bad as to do this to you. The apostle Paul explains that we all have a “sinful nature,” that is, sin living in us.(1) Even though we would all be better off if we would always choose to do good rather than to sin, God doesn’t force any of us. Instead, He allows us to make our own decisions. But along with those decisions come consequences, and the bad consequences happen to the innocent as well as the guilty. That is why war, kidnapping, murder, and sexual assault exist. All of these evils are the consequences of decisions that someone has made.

So does this mean that God has left us alone to fend for ourselves against all this evil? No! He said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”(2) God, our loving Father, wants to comfort us in sorrow and give us wisdom to help us keep from repeating the same mistakes.

You also ask if evil men will ever have to pay for what they do. The answer is that all of us will someday die and then be judged for the evil that we have done. Those who have asked forgiveness from God, in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and who have traded the evil in their hearts for love, compassion, and goodness, will be spared the punishment for their sins, because Jesus took that punishment when He died on the cross. But those who have not accepted Christ nor asked for God’s forgiveness will certainly be punished.

I wish you well,

1 Ro 7:17,18
2 Heb 13:5