I suffer from rage, and I brutally beat my three-year-old son. I am sorry; but when I am angry, I can’t control myself.
Help me! I don’t know what to do. I always promise myself that I won’t do it again, but then I fall back into the same pattern.
King Solomon, one of the wisest men who ever lived, said, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”1 You have admitted that you know it is wrong to beat your son, but have you considered that beating him makes you a fool? A fool lacks common sense and good judgment. Common sense would tell you that your inability to control yourself many times in the past is proof that this will happen again and again. Good judgment would show you that if you can’t control yourself, you must take yourself out of any situation where you might have the opportunity to beat your precious little boy.
What will make you stop? Will it be when someone finds out what you are doing and you are locked up in jail? Or will it be when you finally see the lifeless body of your little one laying at your feet?
Let’s consider why you take out your anger and frustration on a helpless three-year-old who blindly trusts you. Obviously there are problems in your life that cause intense frustration. Over time, the frustration has turned into anger that has built up inside of you like logs being piled on a fire. Now there is a roaring inferno inside of you that you somehow manage to control in most or all of your relationships. But when you are alone with your child, you believe he will love you no matter what. And you know he is powerless to stop you. So the fiery blaze explodes inside of you, shooting sparks that burn those you love the most.
You implored us to help you, and now we beg you to take our advice! First, you must never be alone with your son. We don’t know if you have a husband. But if you do, he needs to protect the boy from you. And if you have ever beaten him in front of your husband or another family member and that person did not intervene to protect your son, then you must not be alone with just your son and that person. If that means asking a friend or a family member to come and live with you, then you should do this willingly because you want what is best for your family. Do whatever it takes to never have another opportunity to take out your anger on this helpless child.
If you have access to a mental health professional, make an appointment today. If you do not, find an Anger Management group. There you will get to know others who are dealing with this same issue. And there you will have an opportunity to pour water on the internal fire that has been consuming you and try to put it out completely.
Paul the apostle advises us, “In your anger, do not sin.”2 With this he makes it clear that it is possible to be angry without acting upon the anger in a sinful, hurtful way. God will help you if you ask Him. In addition, an Anger Management group can help you learn techniques for controlling your anger. However, please understand that this is a serious life-threatening issue, and you must do much more than just pray for forgiveness and God’s help and then tell everyone that you are sorry. Saying you are sorry isn’t good enough. You must show that you are truly sorry by taking drastic and difficult steps to make sure that this never, ever happens again.
Linda and Charles
1 Pro 29:11
2 Eph 4:26