I work in a business that belongs to a friend of my husband, and I have come to care a lot about him… because he has become a part of our lives. He helps us, supports us, and takes good care of us…. Recently he confessed to me that he loves me in a romantic way, and that he waited a year to tell me…. I was very surprised, because we are strictly business at the office.

I don’t understand why he would say that he loves me and that he doesn’t want to lose me. I am very confused and don’t know what to do. A little more than a year ago he separated from his wife, and maybe this has confused him…. What should I do? I can’t get this off my mind. Sometimes I think that I feel the same about him.

Dear Friend,

You did the right thing by asking for advice. You realize that you are confused, and it is never good for any of us to make decisions while we are confused. The advice of trusted friends can help us sort things out.

You say that sometimes you think you feel the same about this man that he feels about you. The important part of that statement is “sometimes.” If you really loved him, you would know it all the time. Real love doesn’t come and go. What you are feeling does fluctuate because you are flattered by the fact that another man would be interested in you. That is a new and different sensation, one that is probably pleasant; but it is not love.

You should be extremely happy that you do not love this man in a romantic way. That makes everything much easier. But our advice for you would be the same either way.

Tell the man that you appreciate the fact that he has kept his feelings to himself, understanding the difficulty of the situation, but that you will not be responsible for ruining the friendship that has existed until now, as well as your husband’s life and the lives of both families. Tell him that you believe that he is in a vulnerable position because of the breakup of his marriage and that you believe he has confused sisterly affection for romantic love. Tell him that you are willing to forget everything he said to you so long as he never mentions it again, but that if he does ever mention it or act upon it in any way, you will be forced to tell your husband and to quit your job. And your husband will be deeply hurt by what he will see as betrayal on the part of his friend.

Some people would advise you to tell your husband now and to quit your job now. However, you say that things are strictly business at the office, and that this man never gave any hints for an entire year that he felt differently about you. He has acted cautiously so far, which makes it probable that he will act carefully now in spite of what he thinks he feels. So, I believe it is possible that after you tell him, the man will never bring up this subject again, and that eventually he will realize that he has been confused. But you are the only one who really knows if things can go back to the way they were before. If that is not possible, then you must tell your husband right away, and then he will decide with you what should be done next.

The most trusted Friend in whom you can confide and ask advice is Jesus Christ, God’s Son. Ask Him to come into your heart and help you make the right decisions. He wants to speak to you through your conscience, and help you to clearly understand what is the right thing to do in this situation and in other difficult situations of your life.

We wish you well,