Not long ago I met a girl and she became my girlfriend…. She is now pregnant. I love her, and my decision has been to care for her and give her and my child a family and a home that has a good foundation, that is, to take responsibility for what I have done.

The problem is that my girlfriend is twenty-one years old and is dependent upon her parents. Up until recently, she had resolved to go ahead with our plans to be married and had decided to have the baby, but lately she is wavering because she doesn’t want to disappoint her parents. She is afraid, and also reasons that now is not the time to have a baby and get married because it would disrupt her professional goals….

She is thinking about having an abortion…. So I now have doubts about my decision to get married, because I see that she is not willing to mend her ways…. I have made it clear to her that I am not in agreement with an abortion and that, if she goes ahead with it, it will be totally her responsibility…. Is there more I ought to do to keep her from committing a crime against my child?

Dear Friend,

Your story makes us sad for several reasons. First, and most importantly, we are sad for the child who is in imminent danger of being disposed of, as if he or she were a piece of garbage. Secondly, we are sad that you may never hold that child in your arms or see him or her grow up, and instead, you will most likely always feel guilty for the part you played in his or her destruction.

You say that, if your girlfriend has an abortion, it will be totally her responsibility. The truth is that if you had not been a part of making the child, then she would not have had the choice to destroy the little boy or little girl. When you chose to have sexual relations with her without being already married, you were also choosing to give her the complete power over your potential children.

You ask if you ought to do anything more to keep her from committing a crime against your child. Unfortunately, the problem is that you can’t stop her. The laws of many countries allow her the total control over what will happen to your child up until the time that the child is born.

However, if you knew that you love your girlfriend and that you were able to take care of her and the child, then you could go to her parents yourself, without her permission. You would have to be willing to stand before them, admit your responsibility for what happened, and then make assurances and promises for how you want to take care of their daughter in the future. Obviously, you would have to be ready for the possibility of being rejected by them and rejected by your girlfriend. So you might walk away having lost everything. But at least you would know that you tried all your options.

We wish you well,