I am fifty-one years old and have been married for close to twenty-five years. I have three wonderful children and I think of myself as a good father, but a bad husband. About ten years ago, I met a single girl and we had a romantic relationship…. She ended up pregnant, and now I have a son who is almost two years old. From that moment on there has been no peace in my life.

I don’t know if I should tell my wife; it would cause so much harm, and I would be forced to leave my home. As much as possible, I help my son financially.

Dear Friend,

The good news is that your conscience is finally working and that you are miserable thinking about the hurt that you are going to cause both your families. But if my math is correct, you were cheating on your wife for a full eight years before your girlfriend got pregnant, and I am curious to know if your conscience was bothering you during any of that time.

In my opinion, telling your wife about the child will not be as devastating to her as telling her that you were cheating on her, deceiving her, and betraying her for the last ten years. You say you have had no peace in your life since your girlfriend got pregnant. This implies that you did have peace while you were cheating on your wife for the first eight years of your extramarital relationship.

You have two choices as to what to do now. You can continue to live as a liar and a cheater, constantly anxious about your secret coming out. This is the cowardly way, and the option chosen by many men. Eventually your conscience will stop bothering you, but that sweet little boy will grow up knowing that you are ashamed of him and that you can never be in his life as much as he would like. And he will constantly ask himself what he did wrong to deserve a father who denies his existence.

Or you can finally do the right thing and confess the whole truth to your wife and family. Of course they will be devastated, and your wife may kick you out of the house. That is what you deserve, so take responsibility for your actions and face the consequences. If you have ended your romantic relationship with your son’s mother, and if you are truly sorry for what you have done, your wife may forgive you after some time passes. However, whether she forgives you or not, you are responsible for your son both financially and emotionally.

There is Someone who will forgive you in spite of all that you have done. Jesus died on the cross so that He could pay the eternal penalty of your sin. However, you must ask Him to forgive you and then determine to live in the way that the Bible teaches. If you really want peace to face the future, this is the only way to obtain it.

We wish you well,