I had a girlfriend about sixteen years ago. I was deeply in love with her, but her parents broke us up. She later was married and had four children. I made a home with a woman that I didn’t love at the time, but now I do.
My ex-girlfriend reappeared… a month ago. After a little research, I found her phone number and we started talking to each other and texting. Now the love that we felt before has been rekindled. The truth is that I don’t want to destroy her marriage or mine. I love my children, but it is impossible to set aside what both of us feel.
Thank you for writing to us so quickly after the time that you started communicating with the girlfriend you had when you were a teenager. We are answering you right away, hoping to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life.
Your conscience is obviously bothering you, which is why you told us your story. In fact, you list many of the reasons why you know you shouldn’t get back together with your ex-girlfriend: your marriage and your children, as well as her marriage and her children. You realize that to proceed with this renewed relationship would be to deliberately and callously hurt each one of those people whom you say you love.
A rekindled relationship and the chance to finish what you started so long ago seem exciting and desirable. Your emotions are in turmoil. You are confused and anxious. But through it all, your conscience is warning you of all those people who will be hurt. Your conscience is saying, “It’s not worth it! Don’t do it!”
Will you listen to your conscience? Will you heed the clear warning? Many people don’t. They let their emotions take the lead, and forge ahead disregarding the consequences. Then they write to us wanting to know what to do about the mess that they have made, and how they can heal the hurt that they deliberately caused.
You say that it is impossible to set aside what you feel. That is a lie! Only foolish and immature people let their feelings dictate their actions. You most certainly can ignore your feelings in the same way that you ignored them sixteen years ago. Stop communicating with this woman today! Send her a text message that it was a mistake to have called her, that you know it is wrong to continue the relationship, and that you refuse to hurt so many people that you love. Tell her to never contact you again.
Not only are you risking breaking up your marriage, but you are also considering breaking one of the Ten Commandments. When God gave the commandment to not commit adultery, He did it to keep us from hurting each other and from hurting ourselves. We advise that you listen to your conscience and to that commandment, and put this matter behind you quickly and definitively.
Do it today!