I am a thirty-four-year old professional who is also a single mother of an eleven-year-old son. Three years ago I met a man who is now a forty-seven-year-old widower. He always says that he loves me, but he only seeks me out when he needs me to help him with his work, or when he wants to use me sexually. But he never calls to see how I am or to ask about my son, and doesn’t help me financially at all, even though I help him with his work….

Is it that I am not pretty and that I belong to the middle class? I don’t have money, just my salary that I depend on….

I continually ask God to give me the love of a man who wants to be with me and my son, but I don’t know why it seems like God is not listening to me.

Dear Friend,

God is listening and so are we! Thank you for writing to us. You feel like God hasn’t been listening to your prayers, but He certainly has. Just because you haven’t received the answer that you want doesn’t mean that He hasn’t heard.

God loves us and wants the best for us, but He doesn’t force us to choose His way. He lets each of us choose to do things His way or our own way. When we choose His way, He promises to be with us, to help us, and to work out things in the best way for us. But when we choose our own way, we get the consequences that naturally follow our actions.

You have chosen to have a sexual relationship with this man even though you are not married to him. That is not God’s way. God knows that sex outside of marriage leads to heartache and disappointment. It leads to the very feelings that you have now. God didn’t want that for you, but you chose to do it your way. You have spent your time with this man, helping him and being there for him sexually, instead of investing the same amount of time in activities that might bring you the kind of man who would want to be with you, and would love and cherish you.

You have so little respect for yourself that you have refused to believe that you are worthy of real romantic love. You mention your lack of physical beauty and of material possessions as reasons why this man might not want to love you the way that you love him. The truth is that you don’t love yourself in a healthy way, and you don’t respect yourself. You have allowed yourself to be used and abused by a man who is obviously not interested in you romantically. Until you realize that you have much to offer in the way of love, loyalty, compassion, commitment, and dedication, you will not likely attract the kind of man that you long for.

End this one-sided relationship today! Invest your time in activities where your gifts will be appreciated. Work on recognizing your best qualities and on respecting yourself. A therapy group for people with self-esteem issues could be a great help. And begin a personal relationship with the God who loves you just as you are and has a wonderful future for you.

We wish you well,