I am going through a very difficult and sad period of my life. I have a seven-month-old daughter, and my boyfriend left me when she was born. He sees my daughter, but he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. The truth is that it is a very difficult and painful situation. I often repeat prayers that I have memorized asking that this would all be resolved quickly, but there are days when I feel very badly, and I don’t know what to do.
Dear Friend,
We are sorry that you are suffering. When you chose to have intimate relations with a man to whom you were not married, you chose to risk that this would happen. In the moment, you probably thought that, if you had a baby as a result of your physical relationship, then it would cause your boyfriend to want to stay with you. You probably thought that a baby was a way to guarantee happiness for the two of you. But now you have found that most men don’t think that way, and by having sex with him, you caused the end of the relationship. Now you are left alone with your daughter, trying to figure out how to make him come back to you.
We are sorry to be the ones to tell you this, but you are wasting your time on this guy. You are no longer the carefree, fun girl that you were before. Now you are a weary mother with constant responsibilities and not much time for fun. By having his baby, you turned into a woman that he isn’t interested in.
So what do you do now? The faster you accept that the relationship is over, the better you will feel, and you will be able to get on with your life. If your country has a system for enforcing that a father pay child support, then do all the paperwork to get that started. You have probably not done it yet because you haven’t wanted to make him mad. But it doesn’t matter if he’s mad, because it is his responsibility to help care for your daughter. He chose to create her with you, and now he gets to help pay for her expenses.
You must change your focus. Your daughter needs you, and she is now your first responsibility. Instead of occupying your thoughts constantly thinking about a man, let your thoughts be occupied with your daughter and all the ways you want to be a good mother.
Being a single mother is not easy. It is physically and mentally exhausting. You are going to need moral and emotional support. Memorized prayers are directed toward God, but they come from your memory and not from your heart. Try talking to God as if He were sitting next to you. Pour out your frustrations and sadness to Him. Ask Him to forgive you, in the name of Jesus Christ His Son, and to become your best friend. Find a church that has a group for young mothers, and attend as much as possible. Get involved in other outside activities where children are welcome, so that you can find supportive friends. This situation won’t pass as rapidly as you would like it to. It will take years, so you might as well start making the best of it now.
We wish you well,
Linda